


Better or Worse, It's What I've Got

by GreenRogue



Series: In All their Angsty Hurt [13]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode: s05e16 Dark Side of the Moon, Gen, Pre-Series, Running Away, Sad Sam Winchester, Young Sam Winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-08
Updated: 2020-07-08
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:06:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,430
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25138948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GreenRogue/pseuds/GreenRogue
Summary: “Goooood morning Flagstaff!"Pre-series partial canon, Sam's time in Flagstaff. Companion piece to "Has to Be Better". not necessary to read it first but they are meant to go together.
Series: In All their Angsty Hurt [13]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1480616
Comments: 2
Kudos: 24





	Better or Worse, It's What I've Got

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Cleo516](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cleo516/gifts), [caitlin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/caitlin/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Has to be Better](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24291916) by [GreenRogue](https://archiveofourown.org/users/GreenRogue/pseuds/GreenRogue). 



> this is a sequel request and companion piece to Has To Be Better. It's partial canon (Dean says Sam ran away on his watch soooo), just a little blip of time for poor Sammy to realize he really does need his family.
> 
> As always I do not own SPN or the characters, I just like to hurt them.

* * *

“Goooood morning Flagstaff! It’s another beautiful day in the city of wonders. Heat index has us rising steadily into the upper 90’s and mostly sunny skies. Commuters can look forward to—”

Sam groans irritably as he reaches over and slams his hand on the old clock radio. He sighs heavily against his musty pillow and contemplates just staying in bed all day. Not like he really has anywhere to be. A cold wet nose interrupts his musings as it roughly pushes against the side of his face, and Sam can’t stop the smile from spreading.

“Mornin’ Bones—” He peeks out from behind his bangs, the golden retriever was staring at him, tail wagging high in the air as Sam shifts onto his side with a laugh. “Guess you won’t let me sleep in huh?” The dog woofs quietly before jumping down from the worn couch and trotting over to his food bowl. He sits with an impatient huff and pants expectantly, causing Sam to laugh again.

“Alright your highness, breakfast is on its way.” Sam tosses back the cheap blanket he found at the local shelter and stretches quickly before digging in his bag. “You’re in luck Bones, I was able to find—Ta da!” With a flourish, Sam pulls out a can of wet dog food. The label was ratty, and he was pretty sure the expiration date had passed a week ago, but it was better than nothing.

At the sound of the can opening, Bones stood up, tail wagging harder as he barked excitedly. He stood impatiently as Sam shuffled over to the small kitchenette in the abandoned trailer and watched as the sloppy food plunked into the chipped ceramic bowl.

“There ya go buddy, eat up!” Sam watches for a minute as Bones scarfs at his food, a small happy smile graced his face for a minute before he turns to his own meager supply of food. “Whelp, guess its—” Sam grabs a bag at random and shakes it slightly before going to the mini fridge. He wrinkles his nose before letting out a small sigh. “Funyuns and Mr, Pibb for me. I really need to be better on my next grocery run.” Sam plops back down on the couch, propping his feet up on the curbside table he snagged the other day. He let’s his eyes wander around his little home, an abandoned trailer about 3 miles outside of town. He thinks there was supposed to be some sort of construction site here, but it must have been postponed, or cancelled. When he found this place about a week ago, he had been exhausted physically and mentally. Barely taking the time to lay the salt lines at the single door and window before he collapsed on the dusty couch. His last thought of that night had been if he was going to die, at least he would die comfortably.

Now a week later, no nasty surprises (of the normal or supernatural kind), and no nosey people snooping around had him relaxing. The hot air from the morning after felt good in his lungs when he woke up, he felt even better when Bones showed up. The loneliness that had clenched his chest in an icy grip was slowly releasing it’s claws. The shattered fragile feeling was receding every day as he explored the town around him, and when he talked to Bones—

“What d’you wanna do today boy? We could walk into town, see if we can find any loose change—or head up into the hills, those aren’t far off. Bet we could find some caves or something to explore—” Sam munches on his breakfast, thinking. He has the day to himself, the total day to do as he pleases just like he has for the past week. He misses his family, no, he misses Dean. He misses his big brother coming into the room and waking him up with a gentle shake or a loud “RISE AND SHINE SAMMY!” Sam almost feels like there will always be a constant ache in his chest by his brother’s absence, maybe one day he’ll try to contact them—one day when he can be someone their proud to know.

Bag of chips empty, soda half gone, Sam shakes his head violently to rid himself of the increasingly morose thoughts. He glances at Bones and see’s the dog sitting next to him on the couch, the patient brown eyes of his friend watching him intently.

Absently Sam reaches up and gives the dog a few pats on the neck before reclining back and rubbing his eyes violently until sparks shoot across his vision.

“You’re giving me that look again. I told you, I can’t enroll in school without a parent’s signature—beside the school year is almost done.” Sam looks back at the dog, vaguely aware he’s imagining the disappointed look the dog is giving him. Sam’s aware it’s a little crazy to think the dog is judging him for not being in school, but that’s the weird—right?

“Look, it’s simple, I wait out the current school year and when the last bell rings all the kids will be tossing their work books AND I can always go to the library to get copies of the text books now that they aren’t needed and I’ll study over the summer. I’ll have a better plan next year before school starts again, you’ll see—” Bones give’s Sam a heavy sigh before plopping his head in his lap. Absently, Sam scratches the dog behind his ears—rolling around his plan in his head—It does make sense, it really does—and yet—

“Do, do you wanna go look at the school? Maybe get a lay of the land?” Bones jerks his head up excitedly and barks in Sam’s face, causing him to flinch. He laughs and lightly pushes the dog so he can stand

“Okay, okay I get it. Let’s go check out the school. While we’re out I’ll try to find more food too.”

* * *

The walk into town takes longer than Sam wanted, but it was difficult getting Bones to sit still long enough for the makeshift leash. By the time the round the last corner to the school, the lunch bell is ringing, and Sam can see the hordes of kids rushing around on the playground. The high school across the street also looks packed with students milling about during their free period. Sam almost turns around to escape back the way he came, but Bones pulls free and is bounding across the street to the kids on the jungle gym.

“Bones wait!” Sam curses under his breath and tries to catch up before he clears the chain link fence, but stutters to a halt when the high pitch scream of one of the girls cuts louder than the rest of the yelling.

“MARLEY! You came back!” Bones—Marley—is barking excitedly and play chasing a girl who’s laughing with tears in her eyes. She’s talking excitedly to the dog who’s wagging his tail frantically and Sam scuffles his feet to a stop, just outside the fence. He watches for a few minutes, his expression impassive before turning and walking way with his hands buried in his pockets.

‘ _For the best really—‘._

“Excuse me! Are you the one who found my dog?” Sam is startled and turns to see the girl staring at him through the fence. Her cheeks are red from exertion and Sam glances down at the dog and bites his lip.

“Uh, yeah—I didn’t know he was yours—I’m sorry for uh, for making you worry.” The girl shakes her head and gives him a brilliant smile.

“Thank you for finding him, I’m glad he was safe this whole time. You’re my hero.” Sam blushes and runs his hand through his hair before forcing another smile and wandering away. The girl waves at him as his leaves, her voice echoing behind him, chasing him down the street.

“Thanks again, I hope I see ya at school soon!” Sam just shakes his head as he turns the corner, shoes scuffing against the sidewalk. It’s only been a few minutes and he’s already missing the steady panting that would always accompany him on his walks. The click-clack of nails against the sidewalk—god he really was pathetic, wasn’t he?

Sam decided to completely bypass the food pantry on his way back out of town, all thoughts of hunger fled his mind and he’s quietly humming to himself to fill the empty space around him. Without meaning to, his thoughts cycle around to his own family—he wonders if they are worried about him like that girl was about Bones—if maybe their looking for him--.

He stops suddenly on a busy corner and ignores the curses of the people walking behind him. He’s across the street from the bus station, the same one he rode in on late at night a week ago. The lot is empty at the moment, all the city buses out on routes. He can see the payphone bank on the side of the building and the sudden urge of homesickness wells up inside him.

He’s a kid—just a little kid—an alone little kid—

Without really meaning to, Sam is crossing the street. Sweaty hand digging in his pocket for spare change. He reaches a trembling hand and grasps the hot receiver. The dial tone in his ear almost breaks the trancelike state he’s in, two quarters hovering in the air as he hesitates.

‘ _What if they don’t want me—what if they never went back to the motel room—what if—’_

The loud honk of a passing truck startles him and by some miracle happenstance, the quarters slide in. Now or never—

Sam dials the number he’s learned by heart—one of the first things he was told to memorize and was quizzed on constantly.

_‘If you ever need us Sam, you call this number. You call this number and you tell us where you are, stay put if you can—‘._

He’s barely breathed as he dialed. The clicks of the connection over the phone coming to life and he waits.

And waits—

And waits—

“Jim? Tell me you got somethin’.” Sam’s breath hitches in his throat at the sound of his Dad’s gruff voice. He sounds angry, distracted. Sam’s terrified and almost forgets to breath.

“Jim? You there?”

“Dad--?” There’s a beat of silence, static from the poor connection echoes in the space between his breaths. Sam almost hangs up, almost gives in to his spiraling thoughts.

“Sammy? Oh my god is that you?” The wave of relief Sam hears in his Dad’s voice makes his knees shake and he chokes back a sob, the heavy emotions too much for his young mind to deal with.

“Daddy, I’m sorry.” He can vaguely hear his dad shushing him over his sobs. His normally gruff voice sounding soft and careful. It takes a few minutes and a couple of deep breaths before Sam can pull himself together. The automated voice starts speaking over his Dad and he panics for a second.

“You have 30 seconds remaining, please add an additional 75 cents to continue your call—” His Dad his yelling over the computer’s voice, urgently trying to get Sam to respond.

“Sam, Sammy! Listen to me, tell me where you are. Sammy!” Sam hiccups again and tries to blink away the heavy teardrops and gather enough air to respond.

“D-dad, I’m s-so sorry—”

“It’s fine Sammy, everything’s fine. Just tell me where you are.” The operator is back again, counting down the remaining seconds of the last of his money.

“Fl-Flagstaff, I’m in Flagstaff. By the—” He’s cut off from his Father, the computerized voice telling him the call was disconnected and to hang up and try again. Sam stares at the receiver—the echoing busy signal a harsh contrast to the beating of his heart. Slowly he hangs up the receiver and looks around the empty lot.

He didn’t know if his Dad heard him—doesn’t know if he’s even coming. Sam bites his lower lip nervously and he shuffles to an empty bench to sit. His mind wanders aimlessly as he sits. The Arizona sun is beating against the back of his neck, but he still feels so cold inside. Even being free—even on his own, Sam still felt hollow inside. Like his guts were scooped out and left behind on some backwoods road. He hadn’t found whatever peace he was searching for out here. He might never find that peace—but at least before he had his family, most of the time.

It’s dusk before Sam really blinks back into awareness. A few buses are idling, and people are milling about around him. Some giving him curious glances, but Sam ignores them all. None of them are the people he wants to see. Maybe he can find some more change somewhere, try to call his Dad again—

Sam slowly stands from the bench but before he can make his way down the street, he hears the steady growl of something familiar. His head whips around quickly as his eyes scan the road, hope rising steadily in his chest. There, its shiny black body glowing in the dying sunlight is the Impala—his _home—_

He’s four steps towards the car when his brother is leaping from the passenger seat, the bronze horned amulet swinging widely as Dean runs towards him.

“SAMMY!” He’s encased in strong arms a second later, the smell of leather and gun powder overwhelming his nose and he breaths in deeply to delay the growing need to cry. Another pair of arms, larger and stronger circle around him from behind and he feels the rumbling baritone of his father’s voice vibrate against his back.

“It’s okay Sammy, it’s okay. We gotcha.” Sam melts into their embrace and lets a few tears slip free. He may not have had the best life before—probably not even close to good in his time in flagstaff. But it wasn’t any worse either.

He knew shit was gonna hit the fan when their emotions were settled. When his Dad and Dean had their fill of checking him over for injuries and securing themselves in the knowledge that he was safe, he was going to get the longest lecture of his life. Possibly enough chores and drills to make his head spin. But for now, he had them, for now he was home and that’s all he needed.


End file.
